SELF-CANNIBALISM

I don’t hate you, but for the longest time I’ve wanted to you. You claim I’m hiding my real reasons, I was just telling you the reasons that I would have wanted to hear. You can’t handle that? You think that you deserve the real reasons? Do you really want to know the real reasons? There are so many real reasons. 

Real. Real. Real.

 You’re such a selfish little girl. You are the only one who’s important to you. The worst part, is that you’ll never be able to admit it, because you’re that damn self-centered. You’re so overly confident, I shun from you, and you probably think that whenever you smile at me, you blind everyone with your dazzling smile. Should I consider myself lucky? Was I lucky to have had the chance to have you as, at one point, my friend? Best friend you say? That’s fucking bull. Bull shit. Do you hear me? Is this satisfying enough for you? Why do you think that you’re like this Heroine Goddess? Drop from the heavens, you’re so Machiavellian, face flat on the dirt, while two faced to the peers around you.

I hated when you cheated, cheating off me. I hated when you didn’t give a damn to do the work yourself. Best friend? Bull shit. And the worst, I hated that you weaseled yourself into ****. You think you’re so much better than everyone because you wouldn’t take no as an answer. How dare some one say no to you, right? You don’t deserve to be a ***, simply I do not feel you should have made it anymore. So stop your pity party for yourself, “Oh no, my best friend stop talking to me, but that’s okay, because I’m so great I can make as many more as I want” Best friend, bull shit. You wanted answers, you thought you were dumped flat for no real reason. Pick and choose your favorite I guess, then go look in the mirror and tell me if you’ll ever see the girl that day by day teared at me our Junior year? It was a “use and abuse” friendship to you. You picked and teared pieces off me when you needed something, but you could unknowingly careless as you scattered them when you walked. By the time Summer started, I felt empty and used, that’s when I decided I had nothing left to give you, nothing left to offer to the friendship. So don’t you dare mention “best friend” to me, ever again, and maybe next time when some one you know stops talking to you, you’ll know the reasons, the real reasons. 

It’s weird how time works. Much of my life is like Déjà vu. I remember the small things that I’ve been blessed with: past friendships, old loves, guidance. The little words can last a lifetime. Words can’t express my gratitude to all those who’ve helped me in the smallest ways. I guess you don’t realize how much you’re thankful until you finally put it in the past.   

Then I’m done with this chapter of my life. My fingers are tingling to write something new. The times are changing. I’m changing. It’s time for new beginnings. Starting with a whole new chapter, “Graduation”.