"When the lights turn off and the sun runs from the cold..."
Early morning. 2:00am. Lights off. Sun down. No movement. No sound. I watch the twirls in the darkness. Each an empty black hole of mixed emotions, past experiences, and desperate needs. In the pit of darkness, you are alone-all alone. Empty inside.
I am a hallow shell; nothing more, nothing less. I can keep my eyes open all night, but nothing will change, nothing will matter. Life on replay. Same shit, every damn day.
Must break from this routine, routine. I must break. Turn me upside down, shake it all out. Turn my life around, forgive and forget. Breathe in. Breathe out. Let it in. Push it out. Exhale everything I’ve been holding onto. Time to start a new life. Time to skip this scene. New. Fresh. Goodnight and Goodbye, for the morning to come, I will no longer be myself, but the person I wish to become.
I feel feverish. I feel guilty. I want to tell everyone, especially my friends.
I want to talk to them, but my lips curl whenever I think of them. I wish they could know I cannot speak to them, not just yet….please understand.
Please understand that I love you, I really do. I’m just not ready to venture out into the public eye. I’m not ready to have anyone see my sad, red, guilty face.
When I’m ready, I’ll come to you, begging for forgiveness. Because I understand that my isolation is foolish, and selfish. I don’t deserve to treat anyone like this, so please wait until my punishment is over, I love you.