Alone in 650sq feet, Full of unpacked boxes. When I left, I promised To never look back. The A/C sings to me, While the dust dances. Set the alarm, Never a day off. The girl in the mirror Screams at me to be thinner. My head aches, Till I sail to sleep. Wake up at 3:45am, Do the same thing.
i dreamed the sun’s white light penetrating my skin, filling me, a bodhisattva’s cry, relief from the weight of empty beings while the marble stone sky bore witness to the act, indifference rained down a reminder from beginningless clouds, it is finished.
don’t answer your phone. it’s probably just me, checking to see if you are home through a lonely, empty, “i miss you, old friend.” see, the winter stole my soul, and now i’ll do anything i can to tie myself down to an anchor in this storm. so you can’t give in to my cries. just let the tears run frightened from the void where they were hidden and from a distance you can look and understand that in my eyes, nothing remains.
In January you told me you loved me. That was the fourth time in the last three and a half years. Every time you tell me you love me, I reply, “I know” but I can see it in your eyes. You responded, “No, I really do love you.”
Do you still love me? I haven’t talked to you since you left that night, five months ago. If you’ve loved me for almost four years, would you keep on loving me for many more to come? One night you said that there’s something you had to do before you were to leave and that you’ve waited for over three years to do it. Then you lend into kiss me, I turned my head away, claiming I had to leave. Then you left. Now you’re coming home, I can’t wait to see you. You’ve been one of my best friends for a long time now, and I remember our late summer conversations so clearly even after all these years.
I want to know if you still love me, I want to know that someone in this world still loves me.
I’ll tell you I hate you, I’ll tell everyone that you don’t matter to me, but I still love you. I love you more than any anyone in the world, you were my best friend, best of all friends. I wish we stayed close, I wish our differences didn’t get the better of us. I can’t change the past, I don’t regret my actions, I don’t deny my reasons. There’s no doubt I’d do literally anything in the world for you, but these are things I’m never going to tell you. I never want you to know that I still care for you so much, I want you to live a wonderful life, and enjoy your youth. Stay true to the true you, the person I was blessed to see inside you.
Not a single tear I’ve seen her shed. Not a year’s gone by I haven’t watched her dread. Spend’s her love like gold. She bought me everything I wanted, and more. But I don’t dare touch her, Not a hug, kiss, or standing near. She prefers to be alone, All on her own. Her stoic smile, and aloof mind. Are drown by a stomach full of wine. Family, friends, she doesn’t really give a damn. But still puts on a face that she can. Says the words that scar. Pushing me away into the distant far. Until I’m gone, no longer to be found. Not a phone call or a sound. She’ll die alone in her empty house. I’ll reappear when death take it’s course. The last words she’ll tell, Will be the words in her will.