I’m so done with trying to have friends. My best friend ignores me nowadays, my lunch buddies never wait for me to go to lunch, and my old friends are living life to the fullest. I’m not sure why I put so much effort into trying to keep friends, I’m getting so worn out. Is it so hard to send a text back, or pick up the phone and make a call? I’m so tired of getting excited when I get a text message, then find out it’s never the person I hope for. I’m tired of trying. At least just acknowledge that I’m alive, that I’ve tried. And the people I really want to see or be with, I never have the gas money to go see them. It saddens me so dearly. I’m so broke, I can’t afford food, coffee, or taking Misto out. I need to just live alone and start focusing on myself and my needs. It’s time for me to take care of myself and stop relying on my friends to take care of me. I need to go back to school, find a second job, spend more bonding time with Misto, and treat my body responsibly. I’m going to start taking care of things by myself, even if I’m going to be all alone. I’m not going to attempt at making plans, say a fucking word to my parents-I’m so fucking done with “family” bullshit, and I’m not going let you bring me down. I’m alone, I’m on my own, and I guess that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Back to the basics.
There’s no other perfect word to describe it. I’m completely broken. I’m not sure who I am, what to do, how to live. Every day feels like a lifetime. Every damn day. As time passes the scars on my body build, the thoughts in my head gather, and my eyes become so sore. The best and worst part about living alone is that I can cry all day and no one will ever know.