I’m nervous, but I have to do it. Fingers crossed everything goes well during surgery(:
Watches others suffer, but can’t feel the pain being endured. I’ve suppressed mine so fucking deep for so long that I’ve become psychologically numb. I know if I were to express my mental disfunction, I’ll let every bit of me be consumed. I realize that if I relapse again, I’ll never be able to get myself out. I’ll remain in the 6ft under hole I’ve created, being comforted by emotional and physical self infliction. The addictive gratification that comes with self mutilation, is too hard to resist once started again. So I’ll pretend to keep my head above water, just as I do every single goddamn day. I’ll keep smiling. I’ll keep laughing. Because there’s not much else I can portray any longer.
“Simplicity, patience, compassion.
These three are your greatest treasures.
Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of being.
Patient with both friends and enemies,
you accord with the way things are.
Compassionate toward yourself,
you reconcile all beings in the world.”
― Lao Tzu
Never in my life will I want or care to get married. I like the thought of being with someone, but that doesn’t obligate us to share the same last name. Regardless if there’s a ring on my finger, nothing hurts worse than separation. I guess it doesn’t really matter, I don’t plan on living past age 39 any way.
But I’ll just bite my tongue instead.
It’s not what you know, but who you know.
Came home to an adorable heart balloon on my pillow and four kid’s pools in the backyard. Oh what a glorious weekend this has been!
Wish me luck!
In weakest moments I weep
‘cause I like the way tears fit my cheek
in darkest moments I cry
oh, how I love the way tears soothe my face
I like it soft, I like it wet
I like my make up in a mess
so I cry hard, let it fall
and I won’t stop until my tears are all shed
so I weep.” —Lykke Li, Let It Fall (via coffeeislovely)
Is the loneliest number.
Looking for a job, paying off credit and insurance bills, getting my food stamps, birth control pills, and setting a vet appt for Misto. Today is going to be productive…I hope.
At Mount Bonell with the roommates!(: