Watches others suffer, but can’t feel the pain being endured. I’ve suppressed mine so fucking deep for so long that I’ve become psychologically numb. I know if I were to express my mental disfunction, I’ll let every bit of me be consumed. I realize that if I relapse again, I’ll never be able to get myself out. I’ll remain in the 6ft under hole I’ve created, being comforted by emotional and physical self infliction. The addictive gratification that comes with self mutilation, is too hard to resist once started again. So I’ll pretend to keep my head above water, just as I do every single goddamn day. I’ll keep smiling. I’ll keep laughing. Because there’s not much else I can portray any longer.